A Bad Thursday

This last Thursday was not one of my favorite days in my life, and by the end of the night I just wished it would not have happened or that it could have happened differently.
The first part of my day was fine. Work went well. Then it came time to take Sage to Primary's for his appointment with his Nutritionist. Shari so willingly offered to watch Skyler so he wouldn't have to sit through the possible two hour appointment and I was so thankful thinking that would solve all my stress for the day. It didn't quite do what I had hoped for my day, but as I left the hospital and was crying all the way to the truck I sure was glad he wasn't there for it. But this needs a little more explaining.
This was Sage's second visit to the Nutritionists at Primary Childrens. As most of you know Sage was born early and weighed 4lbs. Well, Sky had been early and small too, but caught up so we just figured Sage would too. But he hasn't. He gains weight each month but just not enough. He was 15lbs when he turned one and his pediatrician said we couldn't put off looking into why he wasn't growing anymore. She did blood work and set us up with Primary's. Blood work was normal, which we are thankful for. His first appointment at Primary's he weighed 15lbs 12oz. I had to answer lots of questions about why he was born so small, his eating habits, developmentally how he is doing. The team working with him all agree they see no reason as to why he's not gaining weight. So they gave me papers telling me how to pack more calories into his diet and instructions to add formula to his milk to add more calories and an appointment to come back in 4 weeks. We went home and began our quest to add fat and calories to everything. I thought we were doing good. Sage looked like he was getting bigger, he felt heavier to me. My Mom put him on her scale the week of his next appointment and it had said 16lbs so I was pretty hopeful and feeling good about going back.
After work Thursday I grabbed Sage and we headed to Salt Lake. We were called back to a room and I got him undressed to be weighed. I set him on the scale and waited to see the numbers to up. Well they did go up, just not nearly enough. Sage only weighed 15lbs 15oz. He had gained a whole 3oz in a month. My heart dropped and as I picked him up to walk back to the room I whispered to him it wasn't enough and we were in trouble. The Nutritionist and Dietitian came in next and asked what had happened. Had he been sick? Nope, he had drunk all his bottles, he had eaten good meals and snacks mostly. I thought he had gained more then that. Then they gave me the next steps that made me want to cry. They gave me more tips to try this month; different formula to try or add coconut milk to what we are already giving him to drink. Keep adding butter to everything we can. Add calories and fat everywhere we can. Don't worry about fruits, he needs the fat more. If all he wants is junk food during the Christmas season-give it to him, he needs the fat more then a healthy diet. Yet here's a list of healthy things he should be eating to get everything he needs in his diet. And lastly a prescription for an appetite stimulant. They will give him one more month to redeem himself. Then he may have to go on the same formula as my niece which is super super expensive. They may have to put a scope down his throat to see if there are any problems in his throat and tummy that are contributing to his not being able to gain weight. And the last option that had me blinking back tears was if we do all this and it doesn't work they will have to place a feeding tube. I work with people with feeding tubes. They aren't awful things by any means. But the thought of one in my little boy broke me. I left the room with my papers of suggestions and headed to the exit. The closer I got to the exit, the closer my tears were. I was sobbing by time I got to the truck. I got control of myself but lost it again when I called Josh to tell him. Then again when I had to call my Mom and arrange when to meet her for the funeral.
Here's the second part to my bad day. On Thanksgiving one of my friends that have had the blessing to work with in her home passed away. Tammy was only in her mid 40's. But she had gotten sick the week before and her body couldn't fight it this time. I met Tammy almost 8-9 years ago when she lived in a different group home. A couple years after that she was move to one of my group homes so she'd be happier. Carla and I had a blast getting to know Tammy. When she moved in we were given a list of dislikes. And we set out to find a list of likes for her. And we found quite a few and loved being with her along that journey. Then unfortunately only a couple years later we had to make some roommate changes and I no longer got to work with Tammy on a daily basis. I watched her slowly go back to the unhappy woman she had been when she moved in. Tammy is very small and didn't talk. Which makes it very easy for people to ignore her.
After I got the news that Tammy had passed, I was happy for her. Happy she no longer had her tiny stiff body holding her back. Happy she was no longer in pain and having to fight through sicknesses. And happy for her she no longer had to put up with staff coming in and out of her life, some caring for her more then others.
The funeral was sad, no family. Just past and present staff there to remember her. All wonderful people that cared for her. But for the rest of the day I couldn't help but think what a sad existence she had. I love my job. Love the people I get to work with. But it can be so easy for people to work in group homes and think the clients are just not worth their full attention. And the ones that are non verbal and use wheelchairs and can't move on their own can at times get the brunt of this attitude. And at times I feel like that was how Tammy was viewed.
I miss Tammy and hope that she doesn't look back on the times I worked with her and view me as one of those staff. I hope I gave her the love and attention she needed. I know she is happy now. How could you not be? She came to this earth and survived her test. She was our princess on Earth and I know she is Heavenly Fathers princess now.
Later that night at the end of Special Needs Mutual one of the participants Mom's was frantically searching for her daughter that she had dropped of at the beginning of the activity. I helped ask people if they had seen her then had to leave to get my clients home. As we pulled out of the church we saw the Mom and a leader running towards the care center we had visited for caroling that night; and there was an ambulance out front. Don't know the end of that story yet. I don't know if it was there for her daughter or not. All I know is as I continued driving I said a silent prayer and wished the day could start over, and end better.

Saturday Adventure

Josh and I bought our house 4 years ago. There is a pine tree in the backyard right outside our bedroom window. For the last 4 years we have talked about cutting that tree down. Every wind storm we lay awake listening to it moving in the wind and worrying about it falling on our house. Well, earlier this week Josh decided it was getting done this weekend. So Thursday I called to reserve a chain saw that could handle the job. After helping with the ward clean up Josh got the chain saw and we got busy. We had an idea of what we were going to do, then the ladder we have was much shorter compared to the tree then we remembered. While Josh was cutting off the branches as high as he could I called my Dad (The real live Bob the Builder) to ask for a taller ladder. He let me know they are all at the house he's working on, but maybe he could bring one home tonight after work. So Josh came in the house to look up techniques for cutting down a tree. While I'm clearing out tree branches my Mom calls. I tell her Josh has found on line how to do it without a bigger ladder and that we are going to chop it down now. Within a few minutes Dad is calling me (pretty sure Mom called him :) ) He asks if Josh is really going to do it, I say yes, Dad says he's on his way. Love my Dad. So while waiting for Dad, Josh heads over to the apple tree I don't like and starts to practice cutting a wedge out on the side you want the tree to fall, then cutting it straight across behind the wedge. Both times the large branches of the apple tree went right where Josh wanted them too. So we're cleaning up that mess when Dad arrived. We discuss the plan, then Josh goes up the ladder with a rope. He tied it above where he would be making his cut. When it was secured Dad took the other end of the rope to help guide the tree down towards another tree, and not into the power lines, cable line, fence, or house. Then Josh went back up the ladder and began to make his cuts. He cut the wedge out, and cleaned it out a little with the hatchet. At this point even though I was confident it would work I was also getting a little nervous. Sage was outside with me, but Skyler was inside watching a movie. I went in and told him I needed him outside just in case. I had both boys standing next to our shed and where I hoped would be the last direction the tree would fall, or an easy place for me to grab them and run somewhere safe. Josh started to cut the back towards the wedge. Dad began pulling on the rope to make sure the tree came the right way. Josh had to stop a few times to check how close he was getting. He asked Dad if the tree would move because he couldn't see much that was holding it on. Dad pulled but the tree didn't move. So Josh finished cutting. The tree began to move. At this point I forget a little if Josh was still up the ladder or not. All I know is Josh asked if the tree was moving, I said yes. But the problem was it was moving towards the house. Dad began to pull on the rope harder and Josh ran over to help. I made sure the boys were safe and ran over to help. Now before the cutting began I had a silent prayer in my heart that all would go well. At this point I'm praying we can get this down with no one getting hurt and the tree not crushing my house. We start trying to think of what to do. But there are three of us putting all our weight on this rope and the tree is not moving at all. This was bad, yet very good. At least we had stopped it from keeping it's momentum heading the wrong way. Josh let go of the rope and is trying to think of how we can fix this. I suggest to Dad we use the tree next to us as leverage with the rope to pull the tree, but that wasn't going to work. That's when Dad had his awesome idea. He asked if I could get the jeep in the yard. I said yes and he handed me his keys to get a chain out of his truck. I told the boys to stay where they were and I ran for the chain and Jeep and drove around to the backyard. Josh hooked the chain to the Jeep and Dad tied the rope to the other end of the chain. I ran over to the boys to keep them safe and watch the tree. Dad came to stand by me and Josh started to give the Jeep a little gas. We could hear cracking. Josh was looking out the Jeep window and we're watching by the shed. Neither of them were sure if the tree was moving or not. But I had definitely seen movement in the right direction. I ran to tell Josh so he gave the Jeep a little more gas. After just a little more cracking and hard work from the huge Jeep and the tree came down right where where we had wanted it all along!!! The only damage was a snapped cable line. But since we don't have cable we don't care one bit. It's just one less wire going through our backyard. We were all so relieved it worked. We stood around looking at the tree now laying in my backyard and were amazed at how much bigger it looked now then it had standing. We got guessing how tall it was, so Dad got a tape measure and measured it. It was over 30 feet. And we still have 12 feet of trunk left in the ground. All I can say is logic tells me my Dad (even though he is a strong man) could not have stopped 30+ feet of heavy pine from falling on my house. Maybe there is a scientific equation that could explain it. But I know we were blessed that the tree did not fall on our house and that my Dad was able to stop it from going towards my house-because it was actually heading that way-and that my Dad had a good chain and a good plan that helped us save my house from that tree. I'm so grateful he came to help us. I think about if it had been me holding the rope if things might have ended differently. But they didn't. We are blessed. And happy to have the tree down. And I will have to remind myself of that when it takes us a week t0 clean up this mess!

Happy 1st Birthday Sage!!!!!

1 year ago my gall bladder sent me to the hospital. While there Sage decided he was ready to come out to play. He just couldn't wait and insisted the Dr on call, anesthesiologist, and all the nurses needed interupt their sleep and come to help him join this world. It was quite the surprise to have him, but we were also so excited (and exhausted). He weighed in at a whopping 4lbs. And he's still our tiny guy now. But he sure doesn't let his size hold him back! He is such an adventerous little boy and we love him so much!!! Happy Birthday my Wiggly Boy!

Happy Birthday Sky!!!

4 years ago on the 3rd Josh and I were at Davis Hospital waiting the arrival of our baby boy. After a few hours of labor, dropping heart rate, and a c-section Skyler was born. He weighed 5lbs 2oz and was 19in. I didn't know a baby could look so long and skinny. And 4 years later he still just looks long and skinny. We love Skyler so much. He makes us laugh everyday.

I'm back

Wow oh wow. I totally thought I'd be better at keeping up at this. I had grand plans for putting up pics of Sage at 6 months, and now here we are just 3 days away from him being 8 months. Sky has said some hilarious things I wanted to write about, and that never happened. It sure is harder to get stuff done with Sage. He needs more hands on attention then Sky did.
So here's an update on our lives the last 2 months.
Sky recovered from his pnemonia well and was healthy for a while. Then we decided to do a little remodling and kicked up a lot of dust with him in the house (bad mom not thinking about what that would do to him.) 2 days after that we were visiting kidscare because I couldn't keep his asthma under control at home. They gave him a breathing treatment and an oral steroid and sent us on our way and all was good. Then about 3 weeks later he started to cough and within 2 days we were back at kidscare and was much worse then the last time. Sky was having retractions when we got there and his oxygen levels were in the low 90's. They did a breathing treatment and his oxygen levels did not get any better, so they did another treatment with oxygen instead of the nebulizer. It took a while, but finally his oxygen level got to where it should be. This was the first time I was scared we'd end up in the hospital. I'm so greatful we didn't, and for the nurse and Dr that were taking care of us. I had been bad at doing Sky's daily med before all this so I knew it was time to get back on top of things again. I took Sky to see his Dr. and got new prescriptions for all his meds and are doing better at using them all and she gave me more info on asthma so I know more whats going on with Sky.
Sage is growing up too fast!!! He now rolls all over the house. He can scoot places on his tummy. And he is bound and determined to learn to crawl. He can't get up on his knees yet, but he sure is trying. The other day he was sitting on Sky's bed and he grabbed onto the railing we have to Sky won't fall out of bed and he pulled himself up onto his knees. If he were taller and could reach more I'm sure he'd pull himself up onto more things. He's gettin hard to feed cuz he thinks he's much too busy to nurse or take a bottle. At 6 months he had only gained a pound since his 4 month appointment. So he was at 11lbs 13oz. So I was supposed to get him to take a bottle after nursing, but he won't. We had him weighed at Sky's appointment and he was 7 months weighing 12lbs 13oz. So he's still tiny (we met a 3 month old that weighed the same) but he is trying to catch up. He loves to shake his head "no" and will do it when you ask a question. He is busy working on learning different sounds and I am pretty sure he won't make me wait to hear him talk.
Yesterday Josh and the boys went up to Cache Valley to the rendezvous site and set up Grandma Pam's tent. Next week we'll go up to set up ours and we plan on spending the night after we set up. Then the next week will be rendezvous!!! Then the weekend after that is the ward campout. 3 weekends of camping in a row!!!!! We are so excited. We went camping twice last year. And Moab doesn't really count cuz we stayed in a cabin. So in 3 weeks we'll go more then we did all last summer. And we have tickets to Jack Johnson! And we are taking Sky to see Jack for his birthday. So far this summer is already so much better then last. I hope to do better at catching up on our lives more often. We'll see how it goes.

More sick then I thought

So, I took the boys to the Dr Wednesday. She listened to the list of symptoms, then took a listen to them. She looked at Sage first and listened to his lungs. She gave him the all clear and said he's just getting over his cold and to keep up the humidifier, sucking snot out his nose and elevating him at night. Then she listened to Sky. He did not get a good report like Sage. Skyler has atypical pneumonia and ear infections in both ears. She said it's not so much to worry about as other pneumonia. As long as his symptoms didn't worsen. She put him on an antiobiotic that should clear up both. He was also told to rest, drink lots of liquids, use the humidifier, use his Albuterol, and sleep elevated.I was told to watch for fever and any other sypmtoms worsening. I left the dr feeling pretty confident about caring for both of them and getting them better. Then we got home. As the night goes on Sky's cough always gets worse. So Josh is gone helping a friend and it's just me with the boys. I get all the meds done and put Sky to bed. Thats when his coughing was at it's worse. He was coughing so hard I couldn't tell if he was getting enough air, but when I'd check on him it was obvious he was, but I still began to panic. One of the times I checked on him I noticed he was starting to look feverish so I woke him up enough for ibuprophen so it couldn't get higher. But the cough kept going. By time Josh got home I was scared to go to sleep cuz I was so worried about Sky even though I knew better. I've definately seen his breathing worse. I asked Josh to give Skyler a blessing before we went to bed. After that I felt much calmer, and about an hour later Sky's coughing was less and his fever was gone. Since starting the antibiotic he's slowly getting better and better. He's not coughing as much and is looking so much better. I can't wait for better weather so we don't have to be so worried about our boys!!!!!

Sick Sick Sick

We've been sick in our house for the last 2-3 weeks. Well, it's mostly the little boys that have been sick. I started out with a cold a few weeks ago. By the end of the week Sky had gotten it. So there we were constantly wiping our noses and coughing our lungs up. But about a week later we were feeling much better and not coughing so much. Then Sage got more stuffy then usual and a little runny nose, runny and goopy eyes, and a slight cough. But he never seemed as bad as Sky and I had been. So we kept the humidifier going in the boys room to help both of them and did the best to relax and get better. For Sky that ment he got to play lots of games on the computer, and for Sage, not as much tummy time since it was hard enough for him to breath without him smashing his face into the floor. By Sunday everyone seemed to be doing much better until we sat down to dinner and I looked at Skyler's eyes. They were bright red with green goop in the corners. He didn't complain until I cleaned them up, then it was constant rubbing and crying that they hurt. We finished dinner then headed to Kids Care. Of course Layton's was closed so we had to venture down to the Bountiful Kids Care, but no visit with Aunt Diane since it was her day off. By time we got there Sage's eyes were a little goopy again so we had both boys looked at. Both have pink eye, and both got eye drops. The Dr asked if we had any other concerns. I mentioned their coughs, but said they seemed to be getting better. She said to keep up the humidifier and keeping their noses clear. So we headed home. I got the boys ready for bed while Josh went to the pharmacy for the eye drops. We gave the boys their eye drops then sent them to bed. (Can I just mention eye drops with a 3 year old and a 5 month old is quite the adventure.) And thats when it started. Skyler began coughing again. And Sage coughed a few times before falling asleep and his sounded deeper than it had before. So we've been watching them. Still running the humidifier, and pushing fluids with Sky. And the only thing that has happened is they've gotten worse. Sky coughed all through the night last night and at 4am made a weird sound so I went in to check on him. He was awake, so we went in the bathroom and ran the hot water to make it nice and steamy and cuddled to try to soothe his cough. It might have helped a little. He did get a few more hours of sleep before being up for the day. Then this morning right after i finished feeding Sage he began to cough and threw up his entire feeding on himself and I. So off to the Dr we go this afternoon. The only good thing is Sky hasn't been having asthma attacks this winter with his colds. But with him having asthma I worry about him when he gets sick. So we'll see the Dr today and hope for the best!

president's day

Presidents day was a bang in our house. we woke up and decided to go on a "Adventure". our adventure involved a drive to park city and cruise main st, sky had so much fun looking at the shops!! he even took his picture with some mannequins, after we stopped at Ampa & M's house for a visit. which resulted in a dinner offer ampa suggested chicken but sky voted meatballs. so we went to ligoris and ordered meatballs for sky. the owner even snuck a few extra for sky, after one bite sky loudly exclaims, these meat balls are yucky!!!!! thankfully the owner had left before this took place, but a wonderful time all around, thanks ampa and m for dinner!!!!

Sharing a room

We've finally moved Sage out of our room and into Sky's room. While I was pregnant we moved Skyler from his toddler bed (which is the crib, it changes to a toddler bed) into his big boy bed. We eplained to him we'd turn the little bed back into a crib and the baby would share a room with him. He was so excited. He wanted the crib put up so it would be ready. After Sage was born Skyler would ask every now and then when Sage would be sleeping in his room. One day he even got some tools out and tried to change the toddler bed back into a crib himself. Sometimes I'd lay Sage in Skyler's bed with him while I got clothes for the boys in the morning and Skyler would tell me that Sage told him he wanted to sleep in Sky's bed. At Sky's bedtime he'll ask when Sage will be coming to bed. They do good sharing a room. If Sage cries during the night so far it hasn't woken Skyler up. And when Skyler is crying or talking or whining in his sleep is hasn't woken Sage up.
Not only are they finally sharing a room, but I also finally got their room decorated. It's not longer just blue walls. They each have a side of the room. On Sky's side he has license plates bordering his walls, a moon that lights up, and glow in the dark stars all over the ceiling. On Sage's side are the Pooh Bear and Piglit that Aunt Lisa made.
Sage is loving the crib with his mobile and mirror on the side to play with. Skyler has been keeping his stool in their room so he can more easily see Sage and play with him when he's in the crib. If he here's Sage crying he runs down the hall telling me, "I hear Sage. I'll check on him." Then he'll come back to me "He's just crying. Go pick him up." And if I'm not fast enough, he lets me know. He's been a great big brother and a great help to me with Sage. Couldn't ask for a better boy.

6 years

6 years ago today, after years of dating Josh and I got married. If things had gone the way we wanted we would have been married a year earlier and in the summer time in the mountains. But, since that didn't work, we had a beautiful January wedding at the Eldredge House in Bountiful. All of our family and our closest friends came to watch us get married. After came the pictures, and Josh's groomsmen couldn't wait to be done with those. They claimed they were hungry, later we really learned why they were in a hurry to have a break before the reception. Josh's best friends were his groomsmen, and my sisters and my two closest friends were my bridesmaids. Much to my photographers dismay (and aparently some family) my Maid of Honor was actually a Man of Honor.
Our reception looked so busy to us. We didn't go upstairs until it was time to dance, but everyone told us it was pretty packed, and the downstairs where we were for the line was packed the whole time. One of the ladies I worked with at the time ended joining the line because she kept wheeling herself over to me to ask "Diane's sister, you be back 2 weeks?"
After the reception we had a limo waiting for us and went home to our house. Thats when we saw why the boys had been so anxious to have a break before the reception. My Jeep was parked at my parents house until after our honeymoon, and Josh's car was at the duplex we had rented. The limo pulled into our driveway and we saw the decorated Civic under the carport. We had really thought we were going to get away with not having our car decorated. But it was cool that they did it, and even though we were starving and really wanted to go get some food, we didn't want to undecorate the car until morning when we could take pictures of it.
Our families came over the next morning and brought our gifts and we opened them with everyone there. The next day we left for Vegas.
Our weddind day was amazing, but the marriage has been so much better. It is amazing to be married to my best friend. He makes everyday very interesting with his jokes, songs, and dancing. He's an amazing husband and father and I'm so blessed to have him in my life. I'm looking forward to many more years with him. Love you honey!!! And thanks for cooking dinner tonight!

Birthday Boy!

Happy Birthday Josh!!!!!!!!!!! We love you so much and appreciate all you do for us. You are the best husband and father. We will enjoy this last year we have with you (next year you'll be too old to hang out with ;) Just teasing, Love you!

4 months!!!!!

My baby is 4 months today!!!! I can't believe it. They grow up way to fast. He's still so small, but seems so grown up some days. He always looks like he's studying everything and trying to figure it all out. He found his smile about a month ago and loves to show it off!!!! He's very talkative. He often thinks it's more important to talk then eat. He's like his big brother and has discovered his hatred for tummy time, but loves to be on his back playing with toys above his head. We love our newest member of the family.We feel so greatful and blessed to have him. And so blessed that he's been so healthly from the day he was born.
Skyler absolutely adores him. He loves to play with Sage and find toys for him. He tries to soothe Sage when he's crying by telling him "It's ok" and "I know". I have even heard him tell Sage he'll grow up big like he is. What a sweet big brother. Like I said, we feel so blessed.

Thought we'd give this a try

So, everyone else has a blog. And I love to read them and see whats been going on in everyone's lives. But never really thought about making my own. Until Skyler started saying the funniest things to me and I thought it would be fun to have them written somewhere. You always here of funny things little kids say, but when it's your own (especially having to wait so long just for him to talk) you want to share them with everyone.
A couple examples:
We're in Taget eating lunch:
Skyler:(loud inough for everyone to hear) "Hey Mom! Look at that boy riding in his cart! I don't know what his name is called. Whats his name called?"
Me: "I don't know honey"
Skyler: "Hmmm. Me either."

Shopping in Target, Skyler had decided to ride in one of the carts with the two seats.
Skyler:"Wow! Look at that toy! Wait Mom! I need to get out and see that toy!"
Me:"Ok Sky, but only for a minute. And we can't buy it today."
Skyler:"OK. I buy it next time."

Shopping in any store when Sky is walking, not riding in a cart.
Me:"Skyler, come on. Please keep walking with me."
Skyler:"Mom, just looking!"