Questions

Skyler got to go to his new school to meet the Kindergarten teachers and register for school today. We chose to walk and on the way home he had quite the question for me.

Sky: Mom, why don't you want to be a boy?
Me: Why don't I want to be a boy? Because Heavenly Father made me a girl.
Sky: Oh, by why didn't he make you a boy?
Me: Because he wanted me to be a girl.
Sky: But why don't you want to be a boy?
Me: Because Heavenly Father made me a girl and I'm happy with that.
Sky: Oh, well I'm happyI'm a boy. It sounds easier to make.
Me: You think it's easier to make a boy then a girl?
Sky: Yes, I think so.

I just love talking with this kid! I wish I understood his thoughts a little better to know where this stuff comes from sometimes.

Volcano

A couple weeks ago, while Skyler was playing on the computer, Josh thought he'd have a chance to pick a movie he wanted to watch on Netflix. I joked with him that Sky would come over as soon as he heard it, but Josh thought he was too busy on the computer. So Josh gets looking through his options and decides to watch "Volcano". I had never heard of it so I asked him if it was going to be an ok movie for Skyler to watch when he ditched the computer. Josh's opinion was since Sky can handle "Transformers" he should be fine with this one. I decided to trust his judgement since he knew the movie and I didn't. As I knew would happen it only took Skyler maybe 5 minutes before he was going back and forth between the movie and the computer. After about 15 minutes of that we told him he had to make a choice and only do one. He chose to watch the movie and sat down on the couch next to me. For those who haven't seen the movie, it doesn't take long before the natural disasters begin and things get destroyed. There are earthquakes, and fast moving lava from the volcano that has been just chilling underneath the city. It doesn't show any deaths of people or anything, just the ground opening up and buildings falling. People running around scared, things on fire. When Skyler likes a movie he will sit very still and he zones in. So it took me and Josh a little too long to realize he wasn't being so still because he was enjoying the movie. In fact we noticed about the same time that he was scooting closer to me and starting to turn away from the TV. Josh asked him if he was ok, and at that point Sky was almost in tears. I pulled him into my lap and told Josh to stop the movie. It took a few minutes to get Sky to talk, and even then he didn't say much. But it was obvious the movie had scared him pretty good. So we told him it was just a movie and pretend and not to worry. We let him pick a kid movie to watch and got him in a better mood so he could go to bed. Skyler never said anything more about the movie or being scared that night. Well, in the weeks since, Skyler has randomly brought up earthquakes. Out of nowhere he'll ask a question about them. Or he'll tell you a theory he has about them. He'll repeat things to make sure he understands what I've told him. One night at bedtime, I don't remember how the conversation got started, but I ended up telling him what we'd do if there was an earthquake. He thought we would run outside like the people in the movie did. I explained we'd probably stand in one of the bedroom doorways. So he asks how we would get away from the lava if we are inside. I had not realized he thought earthquakes and lava came together. So then I had to explain the different situations of the two. Skyler has been very curious, but never has he seemed scared when we are talking about it. Until this Monday afternoon. My parents have a car parked in their driveway that we are thinking about fixing up to drive. So Skyler and I run outside so I can get some info for pricing parts. Skyler was so excited to get to climb in the dark red car. I open the glove box and notice that some sort of liquid has leake just a little into it. I tell Sky about it as i'm trying to wipe it up. With in minutes, he has decided he wants out of the car and it pushing me out and closing the door. He wouldn't tell me why until we were inside. He told me he thought whatever was leaking could hurt us so he didn't want to be by it since he didn't know what it was. I explain to him it wasn't anyting bad that could hurt us. But he kept snuggling into me and I could tell me reasoning wasn't helping. It took another couple minutes before he would talk to me again. This time he started relating the liquid to earthquakes somehow. And he starts stressing about big buildings falling down on houses and parks and wanting to know what we would do then. This little boy is so my child. These are the dumb sort of things I loose sleep over at night. And now my little boy is starting to do it at 4 1/2. All I could think of to do at this point was to tell Sky when he feels this scared or worried he should pray to Heavenly Father and ask for help to not be scared. His response, what's if the earthquake is too loud and He can't hear me? How sad!!! I could not convince him that it would never be too loud for a prayer to be heard. I even suggested singing a primary song. But he says he won't be able to think of any. We finally resolved some of his problems by making sure he knew he can always come to me, even during the night and I would pray or sing with him. But seriously! He's 4 and that dumb movie has him so scared! I think Josh has learned his lesson to be careful what he watches. And I have learned my lesson to really put my foot down about movies when I don't think they will be ok. Now we just hope Sky will get over this soon and not loose sleep over his worries.

Sunday Snow!

This morning we woke up to big fluffy looking snow flakes falling. Sage sat on the couch watching them falling, pointing at them and telling me "Oh!" Skyler woke up and saw the snow and had a slightly different reaction. He ran around the house finding cars and telling me he needed Dad to wake up because they were going to go outside and drive cars in the snow. We informed Dad of the plan, and at first he wasn't convinced. But the boys and I still wanted to go out, so we bundled up and headed out. It only took Josh a few minutes to join us. It was a fun way to start out our Sunday. Driving cars in the snow, throwing snow balls at each other, and picking up Sage when he'd fall over and couldn't get himself up. And Skyler and Sage thought the snow tasted delicious!

My little Sager

After my last depressing post about Sage, I really should have done better at updating how his Primary visits have been. But with these two crazy boys, work, and taking care of my house it's easy to not find the time.
Only a few days after that appointment at Primary's in November, I had to take Sage to his Dr for a nasty diaper rash. She asked how his weight was and I told her about what they had said about the scope and feeding tube. She asked why they never suggested probiotics to help with the runny poopy diapers. So we went home that day with cream for his rash and probiotics to add to meals to see if it would help. We also started ordering the Soy Bright Beginnings (a high calorie soy drink) on line, and his appetite stimulant.
Sage loved the new drink (it was vanilla flavored) and after a few days of taking the probiotics there was a definite good change in his bm's. We continued to add calories any way we could to low calorie meals, and just offering him high calorie snacks.
When Sage went to his 15 month and Nutrition appointments in December there showed a gain of a whole pound!!! To some this may not seem so fabulous. But when you've only seen gains of a few ounces in a months time, a whole pound seems like a miracle. The talk of a scope and feeding tube immediately was thrown out. He's still 0% for his weight, but he had proven he could gain weight. The dietitian said to just keep doing what we're doing and to come back in a month. We did leave Primary's with a prescription for antibiotics for a sinus infection.
After ten days of antibiotics Sage's nose was cleared, and his poor appetite from being sick seemed to be getting better. But within a couple days his nose was super stuffy with green snot so back to his Dr we went. She put him on another antibiotic, and Sky was put on one too for another sinus infection. His appetite remind poor and I was stressing pretty bad because he wasn't eating, and was starting to not want his drinks either. We finish that ten day course of antibiotics and Sage showed a little more interest in food again. But again that nasty green snot came back! Sage's Dr was booked that day, but she was the one working Kids Care that night, so we went to visit her there. Sage was put on a 5 day antibiotic that time. His weight that night was 17lbs 11oz and we had 1 1/2 weeks before going back to the Nutrition clinic. I had such high hopes of having him over 18lbs by then.
The day of his appointment came and we drove to Salt Lake feeling confident that we'd hear good news about his weight. We check in, get called back and Sage undressed, and get him weighed. For the second time at this scale in the few months we've been going I felt my heart drop. 17lbs 4oz. I walked back to our room and waited for the Dr, just wondering now what we'd do. I've tried so hard, and some meals end with me close to, or in tears because he won't eat and I'm letting it get to me. But then Dr. Jackson came in. And he told me the last thing I thought I'd hear. That Sage is still doing well. His weight gain was a good one. I mention the weight at Kids Care, and the 3 rounds of antibiotics, and Sage's barely eating and drinking. I tell him about taking the bottle away because the Dr I'd seen last month (I'm always supposed to see Jackson, but for some reason twice now I've seen a different Dr who isn't as understanding) and the dietitian not being thrilled that he was still having a bottle at his age. Dr. Jackson soothed all my worries. He reminded me that scales are calibrated differently, so his weight will be different at the different offices. He also reminded me that with his stuffy nose his sense of taste is off, which would be why he's not wanting to eat. And he told me that I am Sage's mom. And I know what is best for him. And if I think he'll do better with the bottle, then it doesn't matter how old he is. If' he'll get his needed calories through a bottle, I couldn't let anyone make me feel bad for still giving him one. And he told me that they would not judge Sage for his small gain this month because he had proven when he is healthy, and feeling well that he can gain weight. And he said we could come back in 2 months instead of 1! Next the dietitian came in to visit us. She said to continue feeding him as we have been. And suggested some drinks that have the high calorie content we need that can be bought from the store instead of on line, if it would be cheaper that way
Sage's nose is still runny, but not as bad and his appetite is coming back. We price compared and it's about the same whether we order drinks on line or buy from the store. We've decided to buy the ones at the stores, it's much more convenient and there are more flavor options which has been good for Sage. He was getting tired of Vanilla.
I never in my life could have imagined that most of my stress of being a mom right now would be because of the weight of my baby. I always knew I'd have a hard time with temper tantrums, setting rules, teaching my kids, and getting them to eat better then I do (i'm too picky). This has been a hard test for me. And I'm so grateful to our family who help care for Sage while Josh and I work. My kids have wonderful grandparents and aunts and uncles who help us. And Sage will usually eat better for them. And I am so grateful for wonderful friends who are in tune with the Spirit and followed their promptings to pray for and fast for Sage to gain weight. We are surrounded by the most amazing family and friends, and I will always love all of them and all they do for us.